Updated: Feb 8, 2019
"I might be too strung out on compliments, overdosed on confidence. Started not to give a fuck and stopped fearin' the consequence" —Drake, Headlines
What I know for sure, is that all of our disappointments, let downs and upsets can be traced back to how we don’t truly know ourselves. I’m not speaking in terms of what type of toothpaste you use or what type of clothes fits right on you. It also isn’t about how other people react to you or the people you hang around. It’s deeper than that. If you were to randomly interact with yourself, would you like that person?
My childhood consisted of me desperately wanting to fit in. I felt like I was too dark, too fat and too poor. To just be me. I learned to fake it. I had one personality on the outside and inside was suffering from low self-esteem. It took for me to be around someone who was truly knew themselves to see the beauty in being yourself. Have you ever come across someone like that? They just have a different vibe about them.
It was no longer serving me to fake it. So, I began to embrace me and my flaws. In the process I learned that knowing yourself – is like having the cheat code to life. You know what type of situations you thrive in, the type of environment that motivates you and which ones suck the life out of you. You know what type of people make you want to be you and which ones makes you want to hide bits of you. Knowing yourself allows you to constantly set yourself up to be in the best possible situation. It didn’t take away the challenges, because that’s life, but it made me confident – even in the unknown. It showed me that my power was within.
I discovered crystals as a way of healing. (Instead of trying to explain this, I'll just drop a link. This is the same website I used to research my first stones.) Then fell into a rabbit hole. It led me to learning about energy healing and chakra’s cleansing. That led to meditations and so much more. The further I went down the rabbit hole, the more I felt whole. The thoughts slowed down. I was able to think clearly. I stop worry about things as much as I used too. I learn to honor and pay attention to my emotions. Not control them. Emotions are our only true sense of how we feel about a situation. They can help us feel our way into being who we truly are.
I’m not the same person from my childhood or even college. I feel confident in who I am. But as with anything, there has been a downside. Some of my relationships with friends and family have changed. This has been uncomfortable and heartbreaking. I tried to put myself back in situations but my spirit won’t allow it. It never feels right. I’ve felt guilty for growing apart. But- I live in the uncomfortableness because I'm honoring myself.
Loving, honoring and knowing yourself is the key to happiness. No man, woman or job can bring you the peace that comes from within. It’s a gift that we can all have.
Honestly Sis, is a weekly newsletter. See you next week.
We Are Our Sister's Keepers