Updated: May 11
"I learned my lessons and embraced my blessing." - Cleo Sol
First thing first: Fuck Tom Cruise. Fuck Scientology and any organization (or religion) created to abuse and hold powers over its devotees. The documentary Going Clear is what has inspired this rant. This is the eighth hundred documentary I’ve watched about (white) men with "good intentions" that somehow turn into abuse, rape, and manipulation. This documentary was so bad that I couldn’t even watch it in a single setting. White people are fucking crazy.
Since they can no longer legally enslave and abuse us. Some of them have taken it upon themselves to enslave their counterparts. All under the disguise of self-improvement, religion, and the “greater” good. The first time I saw this was when I watched Wild Wild Country on Netflix. I thought this was just something that happened in “that” day and age. You know, during the "hippie" love and peace era. But The Vow proved me wrong. I still can’t understand for the life of me how a "self-improvement course” turned into a sex cult. But it’s not just limited to the lecture halls. The Bikram: Yogi, Guru, Predator documentary proved that abuse of power could happen inside a yoga room. Women can’t even go to yoga training without questioning people's intentions.
It appears to be an overwhelming pattern of men obtaining power and abusing it. It makes me wonder if it’s the power that changes these men or the men themselves? Or is it just that people believe to have power and respect, you have to evoke fear and intimidation? When in our evolution as humans did we give up on love? When did people start to believe that empathy, mercy, and emotion were signs of weakness, not strength? Like everything in life, I think it all goes back to the beginning.
Since the dawn of time, we have heard the story about how God created Earth. He then made a man and a woman for that man- so that the man will never be alone. God recognized the harm in man operating all on his own. So he created these two individuals for balance. God's only “rule” for this couple was not to touch the fruit from the “forbidden” tree. Now, either this was the first lie that was ever told. Or it was the first mistake that God ever made. And since God doesn’t make any mistakes, I'm going to go with it being a lie.
Why would God say, "Go, create and multiply. But don’t touch this tree?” Why would God put the tree there in the first place if it was “forbidden”? I do not have children, but I know that if I don't want a child to touch something, I'm not going to just say don’t touch it. I’m going to put it completely out of their reach. Especially if it will potentially put that child in danger. We have all witness telling a kid not to do something, only for them to turn around and do that exact same thing. It’s only until they understand why not to touch it or get burnt, do they truly learn.
So I can’t imagine God placing his children in a play-pen next to a stove, then punishing one of them when they get burnt. Why would God set up his children to fail? Nonetheless, this is the story that has been told. God placed Adam and Eve inside the Garden. Then Eve was tempted by the snake and ate from the “forbidden” tree. Making Eve, the woman, the downfall of the entire human race. If this doesn’t sound like some man-made bullshit! And yet, we have based our entire existence on this fucked up tale. This tale was created to do two things: (1) Put the fear of God in us so that we will believe that God is vengeful and restrictive and (2) Put the fear of women in men! So they will believe that women are wild and must be controlled. (Because clearly, she can’t even listen to God!)
Thus creating not only division within our homes, but disconnection from our God source. This has been the lie that has been the downfall of humanity. All because a group of old egotistical men wanted to have power and control. Since a little girl, I have always felt close to God. I told you all about being in the Baby Church singing“Yes, Jesus Loves Me” and truly believing that Jesus loved me. But I didn't love Christianity. I didn't like the fear imparted on me every Sunday and I damn sure didn’t like the constant guilt of being a doomed sinner.
It wasn’t until I read Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller that I realized my questions and reservations were valid. In the book, what stuck with me the most, was how he described Jesus. He was not some benevolent spiritual being. He was just a regular person who decided to tap into his God-given potential. To me, that idea was revolutionary. To know that Jesus was just like me made me feel like I can do amazing things. I was always taught that Jesus was damn near like God. Yes, I know the stories in the bible are based on “real” life experiences. But I was always under the impression that this was a "one-time" occurrence, not something that anybody can achieve. I found myself both relieved and conflicted.
I’ve spent so much of my life feeling guilty for listening to hip-hop or having pre-marital sex. It wasn’t until it hit me that if Jesus were alive in this day and age, he would be struggling with this shit too! Even after reading the book and having my own spiritual experiences, I still felt a little guilt. It was until I read Conversations with God did I feel entirely free. Whether it’s truly “God” he’s talking too, is up for a debate. But a lot of information in the book rang true to my soul, especially the passage below. At the beginning of the book, Neale asked God about the “should’s” and “should not's” of the world and got the following response:
“To say something- a thought, a word, an action- is “wrong” would be the same as to tell you not to do it. To tell you not to do it would be to prohibit you. To prohibit you would be to restrict you. To restrict you would be to deny you the reality of Who You Really Are, as well as the opportunity for you to create and experience that truth. There are those who say that I have given you free will, yet these same people claim that if you do not obey Me, I will send you to hell. What kind of free will is that? If you believe that God is some omnipotent being who hears all prayers, says ‘yes’ to some, ‘no’ and ‘maybe’ to others, you are mistaken. By what rule would God decide? If you believe that God is the creator and decider of all things, you are mistaken. It is not God’s function to create or uncreate the circumstances in your life. God created you.”
It is no accident that we weren't taught about Jesus' struggles in his personal life. There is a reason we never learned about Jesus’s wife or family. Because if we did, it would make him an everyday person. So instead, they turned Jesus into some nomad who roamed the world, turning water into wine. All to stop the entire human race from tapping into their God-given ability. Even now, when they talk about Jesus returning, it’s as though it’s a supernatural occurrence of a man dropping out of the sky. Instead of understanding that the resurrection is what occurs when we devote our lives to God in our hearts and minds.
The world wants us to believe that the power of God is outside of us- that we have to earn God's grace or learn some spells. But true magic is as natural as breathing. To tap into this God-given potential all you have to do is be willing to explore your relationship with God. I could sit here and tell you all about my magical experiences. All about the times I asked God for a "miracle" and got it. But until you learn God for yourself, it will always be bullshit. While it was disheartening to realize that what I’ve been taught my entire life was a lie, it was also freeing and gave me the confidence to find my truth.
I know for sure that no matter the text, religion, or language, they can all agree on one thing: God is love. Everything comes back down to love. If all you do in this world is: do what you love and love who you love, that is good enough. Looking back on it now, it makes sense why I felt so much resistance towards religion in the first place. My soul knew that what I was being told was some bullshit. I was born to be free. Physically, spiritually and mentally! Now, I’m not trying to tell you what to do. If Trump and CVOID have taught me anything, it’s that people will believe what they want to believe.