“Who wants that perfect love story anyway, anyway. Cliché, cliché, cliché, cliché”
When the news of Cardi B and Offset hit the internet: I, like everyone else, was excited for her. Unlike Angela Yee, I wasn't worried about who she would be dating next. But I was interested in the woman that Cardi B would become post-Offset. I was happy that instead of always being embarrassed by her husband. She would be able to enjoy her child and money without the headache. When she came out and said her reasoning for getting a divorce was because she was tired of arguing. All I could say was same, Sis!
If you've ever been in a long-time term relationship, you could feel her pain. Then when Offset got her the truck for her birthday. The moment the crowd chanted, "Take Offset back!" I knew it was all over. The internet jokes commenced about Offset being a fool. Yet, the trick turned out to be on us. Because instead of taking her gifts, phat ass, and moving on as Beyoncé instructed. Cardi called off the divorce, sending the internet into another uproar. I will admit, even I found myself side-eyeing her because, Sis, you stayed because of a truck that you could very well afford to buy yourself? It all felt like bird-behavior.
But who the hell am I to judge from my one-bedroom apartment? I posted a simple tweet: “I want better for Cardi. But Cardi clearly doesn’t want better for herself. And that’s where the conversation starts and ends.” The truth is despite seeing these celebrities on our timeline every day. We don’t know these people. As much as we may love them, they show us what they want us to see. (And whatever the internet can dig up). Social media has tricked us into thinking that our opinion on complete strangers’ lives matter. It’s like we’re all living in this non-stop episode of Love & Hip Hop.
But just like your favorite reality shows, none of this is real. What we are genuinely doing is projecting our shit onto celebrity lives. We look at Offset and see all the toxic, dysfunctional behavior we’re accepting or accepted in our own dating life. Instead of dealing with our own stuff, we talk about it on the internet. It’s much easier to argue about celebrities than to deal with our own issues. But if we were to pay attention to those moments that we are triggered, we could unearth a truth about ourselves. Like for example, those couples who look amazing on IG. Yet when you’re around them, they can’t stand to be in the same room together.
Being around them always reminds me that I don't want a life that just "looks" good. I want my life to actually be good. I want to be happy, for real. Like who are these couples trying to fool anyway? The internet or themselves? Please don't end up like ole girl from the Netflix documentary: American Murder: The Family Next Door. This woman had all these posts on social media bragging about her life, family, and husband. Then he upped and killed her with their unborn child, along with his two little girls.
The perfect little family was gone in one horror night. But I digress. That is not the purpose of this letter. This is being written because of Cardi's reasoning for going back to Offset. Sis didn’t say that he changed his attitude, grew up, or anything of that matter. She came back because of the "D," and the gift was a bonus. Her exact words were: " I do like material things and everything, but I just didn't want to leave. What do you want me to do? The nigga gave me a Rolls Royce, and I snub him? Plus, I really wanted some dick for my birthday!” Le sigh.
I didn’t even include the part where Cardi talked about people calling her “big head” in her DMs. Let’s just say it was all cringeworthy. Maybe it's because Cardi B is famous, young, and rich. But it made me sad that Cardi was trapped in a shitty marriage because of sex. Like is this the 1800s? Have women not evolved at all? But as much as we hate to see it, it's very real. Because as I’m turning up my nose at Cardi in the same breath, I’m engaged in sexting with Sincere. I’ll save you the suspense: I did not keep that same energy. In fact, I’m a bit of a fraud.
If I’m being real, I lowkey been in limbo for two-year because of some penis. This summer, after diving in the ghetto, that is, dating apps and having a guy go all fatal attraction on me. It made me miss the good old days of steady, uncomplicated sex. So it was no surprise that I ended up back in Sincere arms and bed. Suddenly it felt like our sex life had gone up another level. It was as though our bodies were saying all the things we couldn’t say out loud. As the weeks followed, I began to feel mixed emotions about our situations. But not wanting to let him go or the great sex. I told myself that I would just continue to have great, uncomplicated sex.
As I continued to sleep with Sincere, the sex only got better. But it wasn’t just about the sex. It was the relaxing nights and our mind-bending conversations. Sincere just gets me. Waking up in his arms in the morning would fill me with such warmth. But as I got in the car to go home, it would be replaced with something else. Emptiness. As great as the sex was and as much as I enjoyed his company - it wasn’t real. It wasn’t a relationship. All the whispers of loving each other were reserved for pillow talk in the bedroom. I thought that I could just have sex, but my soul wanted more. The little girl inside of me wanted more. Much more.
Before, I felt that sex was the most essential part of a relationship. But I was confusing sex with chemistry and intimacy. Sex is just sex. Which is only a tiny part of intimacy. As crazy as it sounds, fucking him made me realize that I wanted more from life and relationships. Just like going back into the dating world made me realize that I stopped living. I put myself in a box and didn’t explore the world or my options. All because I so focused on this one area of my life. Those late nights with Sincere made me realize that I missed being in love. I missed early morning conversations in bed over coffee. Being with him made me realized how much I took it for granted.
I spent so much time complaining and trying to force things to go my way. Instead of just appreciating what I had and going with the flow. If only, I could do it all over. But as HOV once said: time doesn't go back. It only goes forward. Unfortunately, I like everyone else, had to learn the hard way: I didn’t realize what I had until it was gone. So much of my relationships and life had been forced. Looking back, it’s not shocking that it all blew up in my face. It hurt, but I realized that I was holding myself back from the love and life that I desired. But don’t feel bad for me. I would much rather have that realization now than never.
Those revelations made me embrace this second (or millionth) chance with Sincere. This time I’m doing things differently and instead of focusing on him. I’m focusing on myself. Perhaps Cardi B will do the same. Because at the end of the day, Cardi B & Offset are US (with a lot of money and fame). Which is probably why it’s so hard to watch. It’s easy to give someone advice and to project. But it’s hard to look at ourselves and accept our own toxic ways. When we see Cardi & Offset, we see a young couple madly in love. But just like us, they don’t have the tools. Or even the slightest clue of what they really want or need out of a relationship. Not adding on the pressure of careers, publicists, and other outside forces.
Cardi & Offset is just an example of what happens when you rush in love. Now we all have the pleasure of watching them figure it out. But aren’t we all? I don’t know about you, but I don’t have many examples of healthy relationships in my life. Society is what formed my definition of love. But what does society, especially American society, know about love? True love. The more I think about Cardi & Offset, the more I’m proud of her. Cardi is doing what she feels is best for her. Who are we to argue with her about that? Especially in an industry that is determined to define her.
The shitty thing about life is that you only know what you do want after your sure about what you don’t want. Sometimes, oftentimes, you don’t know until you know. Life is about living and exploring. Not observing and judging. Sometimes we have to accept that any path forward is the right path. Sometimes we don't make a choice because we're unsure. But all that led to is stagnancy. What I had to learn is that it's not about me knowing how things will turn out. It's about trusting myself enough to go with the flow.
Twenty-twenty proved to me that I am resilient, and I can trust my ability to make decisions. If I’m not on the right path, I know that God and the universe will quickly redirect. He’s done it once, and he will do it again. So trust me when I say this: you will always end up where you need to be. As hard as this may be to read: life isn’t about doing the “right” or “wrong” thing. It's about doing something. The purpose of life is to live, and that's precisely what Cardi is doing.
For someone of her level of fame, it takes balls and courage to follow her heart. So hate her or love her, one thing you can not take from her is that she’s a regular degular ass girl from the Bronx. Cardi is one of us, so let’s treat her as such. The next time she goes on about her annoying, ain’t shit ass husband: IGNORE HER! Then get on living your life.
Who is your favorite celebrity couple? Why?
Which celebrity couple annoys you the most? Why?