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Sis, I Had Life Effed up!

Updated: Feb 8, 2019

"So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach so we never dare to ask the universe for it."

— Jim Carrey

I Do Not Own This Art. Art By (@viteloi)

Have you realized that your life is a 100% your responsibility?

Before you roll your eyes and say, “Of course,” I’ll raise my hand and say that I haven’t always been in the know. In fact, it didn’t truly hit me until I was 24. I was on the way to my public accounting job. Sitting in traffic and literally dreading going to work. I couldn’t believe that all my hard work, tears and frustration led me here. I was at a job I hated, with people I didn’t care about, and doing something I didn’t want to do. I would like to say that after that moment my idea for the book came along, but it didn’t. That “aha” moment was only the tip of the iceberg. You know what did come along? Panic, hyperventilating, calling Mom on the phone, tears and more panic. Guess what my Mom said? “I don’t know how you even ended up in accounting. It’s not your personality at all.”

Sis, I was pissed! This was the same woman who told me acting wasn’t a real job. I felt like I had been tricked. My anger was directed at my Mom (for not freeing me sooner), my school (for not preparing me for this reality) and myself (because like, what the fuck, I should KNOW better!). Have you ever felt this way? I did some research and there is a name for this thing, it’s called the “quarter life crisis”- It’s a period between your twenties and thirties when a person begins to feel doubt about their own lives, brought on by the stress of becoming an adult. Why has no one said anything about this? There is a whole term for it but I've never heard it until I began to experience it myself. That bothered me. I had to really find a way out of the crisis. This process was not easy. But - it was necessary. So here is what I did:

I had to get to know myself: I had to sit down and be honest with myself. What do I like or don't like? If it was a perfect world, what would I do? I had to dig deep and figure out what I wanted to do. I also had to own up to the fact that I lost my way

I had to remember my younger self: My younger self was the G.O.A.T. She had dreams and expectations that were outrageous. I was like Blue. I was making plans without being practical. I had to find my way back to that! To find Young Am, I went back to the beginning. Young Am loved books. I began to read like crazy

I had to stop panicking: For MONTHS, I was in pure panic mode. I thought had to go back to school, quit my job and change locations. Unfortunately, that wasn't practical-at all. I really thought the window of opportunity had closed. Then I heard Oprah say, “The best gift you can give yourself, is time." For some reason this quote freed me. I relaxed, start planning and went to work. (Sidenote: If you have found yourself in a place that you didn’t envision for yourself, I want you to relax. Take a deep breath and accept that you have gotten yourself to this point. Let me give you the good news: You managed to get yourself to a position. No matter how far it is from your dream. It had to take work to get there. It also probably took faith, patience and determination. If you can put that much effort into something you DIDN’T want… image what you can do if you applied it to what you DO want?! SIS!!!! No one can stop you! )

I had to learn to shut up: When I figured out I wanted to write a book, you know what I was doing next? Telling everybody and they Mama. I was just so happy. This turned into three years of “So where is your book?” Lawd, why!! What I should have been saying is: I’m trying to learn how to write a book. Now, I’m feeling pressure because I’m don’t feel like I’m writing fast enough. (If this is you: Save yourself the drama . Protect your dreams. Keep it close! Give yourself time to learn the landscape. Plus, if we’re being honest , most people don’t get our grand ideas anyway. So why bother?)

Have you overcome the quarter life crisis? Have a story or advice about the quarter life crisis? I would love to hear what steps YOU took to get to the other side!

See you next week.

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