"You measure a man by they likes on the 'Gram
But how do he move under pressure?"
The first thing that I ever consciously manifested was a piece of gum. I was sitting on the bus going to work, and this man opened a pack. I thought, "Damn, I want some gum," and then turned my attention back to reading my book. A few moments later I glanced up, and the man asked, "Would you like some gum?" I kindly smiled and nodded. A few weeks later, I got a random knock on my door. It's my neighbor announcing that he's moving. He said he had some stuff from his job that he couldn't take and asked: Would you like some gum?
I said, of course, and he proceed to give me a whole year's worth of gum. I have never been able to eat the entire thing and now it has gone stale. But I have kept the gum as a visible reminder that when the universe supplies your needs- it supplies it in abundance. But even with something as amazing as that happening. I never recognized my power. Or even how to work with the universe. At the beginning of my journey, I struggled with believing. I would see all these white people at the healing events. But I couldn't help but think, where were my people?
So one day, I asked God if all this spiritual shit was real to show me black people doing it. I don’t know if it was weeks or months later. But eventually, a friend reached out via Facebook to share a flyer for a black healer's retreat happening in Detroit. The following weekend, I found myself in a room full of black and brown strangers. My heart was overjoyed. Not only did they look like me, but they were also professionals. Both men and women. Old and young. After the first night, I wrote in my journal, "this is the day my life will be forever changed.”
By the end of the weekend, I cried tears of joy because I knew that God was real. The whole weekend had been walking, breathing proof of his existence and our relationship. That event shifted me not just in my spiritual walk but how I looked at creating spaces. The event took place in a small but nice house on the East Side of Detroit. It wasn't fancy or over the top. But it was exactly what it needed to be-it felt safe and homey. The host taught me that I didn't have to throw the biggest events. I just had to use what I had and deliver it with love. She taught me it was enough to simply show up and create a safe space. That weekend opened up my eyes to a new way of life.
When we were eating lunch, the retreat leader came up to me and said: There is a difference betweenunderstanding and knowing. When you know something is for you, you move like it and act like it. She went on to explain how she got random checks in the mail. While myonly thought was:how did she know that was exactly what I needed to hear? I walked away with a completely new understanding of God and magic. Believing has to go beyond faith. There has to be a deep knowing. For so long, I have been trying to understand spirituality and make mental sense- but spirituality is not something you can "figure" out. You can only understand it by feeling and living it.
From that weekend on, there have been more magical occurrences. I could write books about it all, which I may one day. In hopes that it will inspire people to understand that spirituality is a magic built on a relationship between you and God. It’s personal for each individual. Yet it’s something that we are all so capable of doing. The only requirement being is to trust yourself. When I began my Honest Chats early this year, I did it because it was on my heart. Each person I reached out to was brought into my mind well before I asked. Each event would start with me in my living room, nervous about to throw up. But after every one of them, I would be so happy that I could float away. The process showed me that your manifestations, hopes, and dreams are not just for you. You have no idea whose path you can change simply by walking yours. It reminds me of the time when I manifested a yoga studio at my job.
One day, while walking to yoga at the YMCA Downtown. I thought, " I really wish there was a yoga studio closer to my job." Granted, the YMCA wasn't far from my job. But with Michigan winters and bipolar weather, there was no way I would be able to keep up with my YMCA workouts. The following year, a sign appeared in the lobby of our building. It announced the opening of a yoga studio. Of course, I didn’t think it was me right away. I simply thought it was a crazy coincidence. I eagerly signed up, and it was there in that studio that I fell in love with yoga. Months later, during a session in child's pose, the studio owner began to talk about trusting the universe. She explained how one day, she received a random phone call asking if she was interested in opening a studio in the Guardian Building. It took everything in me not to break down on the matt because I just knew at that moment that this whole studio was another answered prayer.
Writing this letter, I see that the common denominator to these miracles was that I surrendered. Granted, it wasn't because I knew I was "surrendering." It was simply because I wasn't attached to the results. I made a wish and let it go. Not realizing that I was launching a request to the universe. They were simple wishes, and still, God delivered. I’m trying my damnest to apply this concept to the bigger shit in life. But it’s hard. With all this evidence of God answering my prayer, you would think it would be easy. But nah, I still have my moment of doubts. I still have times when I think I’m asking for too much out of life. But I now know that thought is a lie and a trick of my mind. Lately, I have been consciously working towards opening myself up to receive love and expecting more out of life.
Along with accepting the ugly truth that I have been blocking own my blessings. All the wanting to figure it out. Wanting to know, wanting to micro-manage the process was fucking up all my "manifestations." I felt that if I didn’t do everything in my power, it wouldn’t happen. It was hard for me to release control and trust that it would all be ok. It took for CVOID to happen and the world to go to shit to realize that I wasn't in control of anything. There was no micro-managing the universe—only my hurt feelings. So I consciously worked on trusting God, releasing, and letting go. But there is still a part of me that struggles to believe I am worthy of having nice things. Or even a life of ease, and it doesn't help that my current circumstances only highlights that limiting belief.
Despite my optimistic personality, there are times when my mind can go to dark places. But each and every time, like a guiding like, my soul will stir, whispering for me to push on and reminding me that I am worth more. These last few years have been beyond challenging. But I would be lying if I didn’t say that this time hasn’t changed me for the better. It took me to be alone in isolation to realize that this was the first time I have known what true peace feels like- to truly trust myself and feel comfortable in my skin. I accept that my life was a mess because I didn't truly know myself. I built a life on everything I thought I was supposed to have and not on what I truly needed. I had to die to wanting to be a good person and try to be good to me!
I now see why they say true change happens on the inside.
I am looking forward to the day it blooms outwardly!
Have you ever had a wish come true?
Do you believe in magic?
What is a limiting belief that you want to release?