“Rule number one, to be a boss ass bitch:
Never let a clown nigga try to play you."
- Nicki Minaj
There are not many things that I am ashamed to discuss in public- but my love for the Kardashians may be that one thing! For years when everyone hated on them, talking about how they were ruining the world and every black man they dated. I was happily watching Keeping Up with The Kardashians and all its many spin-offs. I didn't realize until the news hit that the show was ending how much I’ve grown attached to them. I cried at the end of every single episode of their final season. It hit me that I have come to look at them like my famous Armenian cousin. I’ve grown to love them and will genuinely miss the show. I mean talk about a run!
I didn't understand my obsession for the show for a long time, and it's not like it's something I "worried" about because it was my guilty pleasure. But I realize that what I loved about the show was simple- the Kardashians represent family. At the core of it, if I was truly honest, they represent what I want in life. To become a self-made billionaire, traveling the world, checking off every goal on my bucket list, all while having the people I love cheering me along. Fuck the sex tapes, the overly sexual photos; Kim not only made a name for herself, but she also made a lane for herself. All while bringing her family along. That’s not only something to admire but something to inspire too.
But this isn't about Kim. I am so proud of her evolution and the woman she has become. This one is for one family member in particular- Khloe Kardashian. Since day one, she was (along with Kourtney) one of my favs. Maybe it’s because I related to being the “outsider." But deeper than that, when this all started, Khloe didn't give a fuck. She made fun of Kim, was the supportive Mother figure for Kylie and Kendall. And she was the only one who was there for Rob. Overall she was the life of the party, saying inappropriate but funny comments at all times. Khloe didn’t take herself so seriously, and I admired her for that- then something changed.
It had to be around the time she left Lamar, revealing to the world that he was a drug addict and had been all along. Her waist began to disappear, her weaves and nails grew longer. Then her personality shifted right along with it. Now instead of being the lowkey sister- Khloe was dating rappers and basketball players. Instead of having a super close relationship with Kourtney. She's basically up Kim's ass. Bullying Kourtney to film with her ex, who did nothing but embarrass her for nearly a decade straight. (Like, I'm legit shocked that Kourtney made it to the end of the show – that was a miracle in itself.) I would have been gone. But I digress- let’s flash forward to Tristan.
Let’s be clear, besides Tristan being tall and playing in the NBA- he looks and acts like a child. Despite those facts, Khloe falls madly in love, and they have a baby. But instead of having a happily ever after, there has been scandal after scandal. The biggest being the Jordan Woods incident which is when I officially stop fucking with Khloe. But despite myself, I kept watching the show. It was only then when I understood the term "hate" watch. I just couldn’t turn away. But this wasn't my first time. My allegiances with the Kardashians have wavered over the years. The first time this happened ironically was around the time that Kim and Kanye had become a thing. That was the first time that I ever stopped watching for an entire season. It was too weird for me to see my favorite person of all time on a reality show. It was like seeing your parents get together after seeing them apart for your entire life. Just why?
Nonetheless, I believe this was when Khloe started tripping. See, despite them always having black boyfriends, they didn't have one who impacted black culture. Until Kim got Ye, and it was like they were given the gold card. Suddenly Khloe feels she's cool with all her black accents because Kanye validated them in the culture. Khloe saw how Kim ascend to another level of stardom, and she wanted that for herself. So all her attention and loyalty shifted to Kim. I mean, she even tried to dress like Kim at one point, as well as getting more and more plastic surgery, not realizing that she's still Khloe on the inside. This is where the problem comes in between Tristan and Khloe. Tristan is young, and he met Khloe when her family was at the height of their success. Khloe expected Tristan to kiss the ring and be her Scott to Kourtney. Not realizing that maybe, just maybe, Tristan has plans of his own.
When the latest scandal-hit like always, I spent my day listening to all my favorite outlets and vloggers on YouTube. Most spent the time making fun of Khloe and begging for Tristian’s privacy. But when Cocktail with Queens covered the topic, they got to the root of the problem: Khloe doesn't think as highly of herself as we think- she needs to love herself more. In which everyone chimed in, "let it go!". As funny as it is to watch Khloe being dragged on the internet again. I do believe that there is a valuable lesson in it all. We've all been in some situation with a guy that has a great penis- but he kind of treats you like shit. But every time you think you're going to walk away, he hit that spot, make you squirt for the first time, and then the cycle starts all over.
Sometimes, oftentimes, it's not just the sex that we are obsessed with- it's also the story that we've told ourselves about this guy. I believe we’ve all been there at least once, loving someone who won't love you back—chasing after that initial feeling that has long left. See, this thing with Tristan moved beyond him after the Jordan Woods incident. When Khloe not only allowed him back in her life back but on her show, she not only gave him a platform but more visibility to dog her out. She even tried to act like she wasn’t fucking him when everyone (including him) was saying otherwise. For the life of me, I can't understand what was going through Khloe's mind. The only conclusion that can be drawn is that she's lost grip of reality. She made it to where you can't feel bad for her because she did this to herself.
At the age of thirty-two, what I know for sure is that men will treat you as bad as you allow them. Some men believe in their hearts that they want to love and to do better. When the truth is, they honestly don't believe what they are doing is wrong. Many men have grown up thinking that if they make a certain amount of money and take care of their "home," they can treat their women any way they want. And why would they think otherwise when everywhere you turn, the world is applauding this behavior? Whenever a high-profile relationship break-up, the first thing people ask is “what did she do” or “how could she leave all that?” It’s as though if you have money and status, it excludes you from the need for love and intimacy.
I have been naïve in the past, thinking that you can "change a man." But the truth is a man- a person- will only change when they want to change. They have to want it for themselves. No matter how many times he tells you, “you make me better." He has to find a way to be a better man on his own. As women, especially black women, we can be forgiving and nurturing to a man’s detriment. We take on the role of second Mother instead of the woman in his life. Or worst, because we've been fed this bullshit that there is a "shortage" of good men, we take whatever we can get. Auditioning for men, making them believe they are the prize. Forgetting our wants, needs, and dreams.
As women, we have to trust men to show us who they are the first time and stop making excuses for shitty behavior. If I have learned anything, it’s that when a man is serious about you, he will make his intentions clear, and there will be clarity in where you stand in his life. God is not the author of confusion. As women, we always get the red flags that we ignore. We go back and forth because of the fear of being alone. But what if being alone is the door that leads to your biggest blessing?
A real man will let his feelings be known from the start. If he’s giving you anything less than that run far-far-away. Let’s learn from Khloe and make it a law to never let a nigga dog you- no matter how much money he got!
-AM
JOURNAL PROMPT:
What is one thing you would DO if no one had to know?