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A Love Letter To My Younger Self

Updated: Feb 8, 2019

I thought long and hard,about what to write about this week. I went from writing a love letter to you ladies, to a love letter about passion to one about self-love. Finally, I landed on doing something I’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t find the right time. As I journey into my final year of my 20’s, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity:to reflect on how far I’ve come and speak on where I’m heading. As always, this is a very personal but necessary letter (to my younger self). Writing this letter was very emotional but cleansing. If you have time, I challenge you to do the same. You may just surprise yourself.

It’s me/we from the future. Crazy right. Don’t ask me how this is possible, just now that it’s HAPPENING! Accept that and be grateful that you’ve ran across this letter. This will be something you’ve come to appreciate at twenty-eight. 28!! I know you’re excited to find this out. We strangely never thought we would make it this far. The idea of becoming an adult was so foggy and uncertain. We could never picture ourselves growing older. That use to haunt us and send us into an anxiety attack. We use to obsess over death and when it will come. Guess what? That has found its way to the back of our mind. I’m still not able to picture it, but I don’t panic. I’ve come to love and accept life. We have come to learn that you don’t get to leave until you get it right. Rest easy my love. We have come here to do a great work. Work that will take time, work that is beyond our wildest imagination. So, relax and know that God has our back.

I know that is better said than done. You worry, you think, you panic and worry some more. But eventually this will grow old. These constant thoughts of self-doubt will quiet themselves. Instead they will be replaced by a personal cheerleader. I know it’s hard right now, but trust me, things are going to get better for us. But, before things get better. It’s unfortunately going to get worst. You’re going to be betrayed by yet another boyfriend. You’re going to lose your Granny. You’re going to lose a child. You’re going to lose your will to live and not know how to move forward. All of this will teach you the most important lesson of all: the power of your decisions. The amazing thing is that after all this, you’re going to pick yourself up and push forward. Because that’s who you are. You are resilient. This is something I’ve come to appreciate about us. It is our greatest characteristic.

You’re going to have doubts about your major and career. You’re going to reach a goal. Only to realize it was never yours to begin with. Instead of being sadden by this, we will use it as fuel. That no matter how far we stray from the track, or how many obstacles get in our way, you will push through it. Looking back, that’s what I am amazed at most. No matter what was thrown your way, you pushed through it. You cried, you laughed and most importantly, you never allowed your heart to turn cold. You went through storms with a smile on your face and your personality intact. Never, ever, lose that part of you.

You’re going to get a job that you know isn’t for you, it’s going to drain you. Emotionally, physically, and mentally. So much so, that you will experience the single most terrifying day in your life. You will then lose your job. And even then, you push forward. You somehow hit rock bottom, make a home there and climbed out with renewed focus. Like I said, your resilient. You never allow anything to keep you down. You will spend an entire spring and summer questioning your worth. Questioning your place in this world. But it’s in those questions that your path will be revealed to you. You’re going to want to rush this summer along, but bask in it. This will give you the opportunity to see what life is like with freedom.

This summer will spark something inside of you. Something that you thought was long gone. You will birth your very first manuscript. That will give you a single goal to lead you to the pathway of freedom. A pathway to your dreams. That nagging feeling we’ve always felt, you know, the one that its more to life. It is a real and validate feeling. God is trying to awaken us. Our soul is trying to remind us of our great potential. We’ve always dreamed of these elaborate schemes to get there. But, it’s only going to come when we put in the work. And, relinquish all control. I know that we love to plot and plan. But remember, we aren’t smarter than God. We can’t even begin to imagine how he will make it all happen for us.

What I know for sure is that God loves us so much. He listens to us. He gives to us freely. Everything that has happened to us, has happened for a reason. To aid in the our overall vision for our life. And what a vision it is! We will write books, act and direct movies. We will finally get to be on a television show and work in writing rooms. We will have our trilogies turned into films. We will see our name in lights, we will be celebrated and appreciated for our work. We will know how it feels to truly love what we do for a living. I wish I could tell you how it’s going to happen. But the truth is, I don’t know. Nor do I care. I will only tell you this, love, appreciate and pay attention to all those crazy thoughts in your head. Use them, put them into action. Don’t worry about what people will think. Learn to listen and recognize that small voice. It’s intuition. (I just learned that we're highly intuitive.) Trust it blindly and foolishly, like your life depends on it. It’s our connection to our ancestor, source, and the cosmos.

Our group of friends is going to make or break us. Not just socially but mentally. They’re going to make you question who you are and what you can do in this world. That feeling of “trying” is proof that we don’t belong. Go out in the world and find your tribe. But before you get this lesson, you are going to be betrayed. (It’s like our theme song) Don’t grow sad and don’t think this means it’s something wrong with you. These people were seasonal. They only came in to teach you that valuable lesson. Continue to be resilience.I know this is hard for you to understand right now. All you want to do is fit in, be loved and be normal. But Am, we aren’t normal. We’re chosen. We’ve always known this, but we have been running from it our whole life. Now I’m accepting it for us.

You’ve always been good at loving with an open-heart. Somehow you never allow a past bad experience to ruin a current one. Never lose this about yourself. It doesn’t make you naïve or foolish. It makes you brave, because you choose to love despite being hurt. It’s gift. Speaking of love. Please stop obsessing about it so much. I know how badly you want love, marriage and family. We come to learn that these, are not the only things to work towards. The love your so desperately searching for can only come from within. Stop giving so much of your power away. Stop begging to be loved. You are the prize. But, because I know how much loves matters to you; I want you to know, that we do find him.

We finally get the love, that we’ve always imagined. He’s even better than what we dreamed. He gives us moments that makes us feel like we’re in a movie. Six years in, and you will still get butterflies over him. He’s fine, driven, talented but most of all, kind. He will give us our biggest lesson in love. He will teach us how to live for ourselves. But don’t rush it. Let it run its course. Enjoy him and relish in the friendship you two will develop. That friendship will be a solid foundation for your relationship. There will be moments when you think about us now and wonder if you deserve love. The answer will always be yes. You deserve every single thing that comes to you. You love openly and without fear. Stop self- sabotaging. Stop fighting it, welcome it and fall into its warm embrace. We earned this right.

Your twenties are going to be a dark time. Filled with many ups, downs, highs and lows. It will seem like trail, after trail, but it’s only because it’s our awakening years. Question everything. Assume everything is working in our favor. Be patient with yourself and others. Trust yourself and above all, follow your heart.

P.S. When your 28 and your brother asks you, what you’re 5-year plan? Realize just how much you’ve changed. Don’t panic because you don’t know. Just smile, because you’re finally in the flow of life.

The truth is, we’re only just getting started. And guess what:

Our future is so bright. It makes my eyes hurt.

I Love You So Much & I'm Happy You're ME

Future AM

Until next time:

“Dream them dreams. Then man-up and live them dreams, because a life without dreams is black and white. And the universe flows in technicolor and surround-sound.”- The Late Great Combat Jack!

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