“Driver roll up the partition please,I don't need you seeing 'Yoncé on her knees”- Beyoncé, Partition
Remember when people where losing their shit after Beyoncé released Partition? People were legit mad because she talked about sucking her husband's dick. What do black women have against giving head? Like, why do some front like they don't do it at all? For instance, that one scene in Insecure? When the crew went to the sexplosion event. They were all heading to a blow job class and Kelli (of all people) said she doesn’t give head. And don't even get me started on Jackie from Basketball Wives. Or Amber Rose...
Still, I wasn't going to write about this subject. It wasn't until reading an article from columnist Agatha Guilluame. That I decided- I had to say something. The article was about, “Giving the Perfect Blow Job.” And in so many words, she said that the girl was dumb for trying to perfect the skill of giving head. Then she proceeded to give advice (And it's GOOD! Check it out). But the latter part, bothered me. It seems like some black women feel like the minute you put a dick in your mouth you become less of a woman. This thought process is mind-blowing to me. Who doesn’t want to give good head? Or is it just me?
I’ve always been taught that if I'm going to do something, then I should be the best at it. A while ago, I went through a period where I was slightly obsessed with perfecting my head game. Before you ask, no I wasn’t doing this for my boyfriend. Or because someone told me I gave him sub-par head (because, fuck him!). This was about me and my ego. Plus, I actually find giving head to be empowering. Now, don’t take this as a green light to go around sucking everyone’s dick. Because, nah. Diseases are running rampant. However, for your man or steady fuckbuddy – why not? Giving good head is just another trick in your toolbox.
Have you ever experienced a man squirming away from you because your head was just that good? Like him physically pushing you away? Or him digging his nails into your shoulders? I have! And if you haven't, let me tell you now, it will give you a head rush. The rush will not only put a smile your face. It will also make you want to push him to his limit. So he can be the one "running from it". See, I pride myself on what I can bring into the bedroom. And Honestly Sis, you should too!
Not feeling this? I’ll level with you. Maybe dick sucking is just not your thing. That’s fine. I’m not here to convert anyone into a believer. Or to create shame for not sucking a dick. But, if you are out here giving head, then do you.
So, you never experienced the head rush of giving great head? Don’t worry. Here are a few tips that helped me master the art of the blowjob:
I watched porn. After reading the Video Vixen book and hearing the tales of Superhead. I was intrigued. I had to see this for myself. And boy, was I amazed. After a few watches, I realized what the ultimate trick was – and it wasn't her mouth. It was all in her hands. Instead of doing the typical single hand jack off. She used both hands. Instead of simply going up and down. She added a twist to it. (Thank me later). Her saliva, suction and twisting is what ultimately created Superhead. Mystery solved. If you use this move, it will not only make your guy go crazy, but will give your jaws a break.
I practiced. There is just no way around it. To know if the move worked, I had to try it out on someone. Nothing will make a man happier than if you ask him to let you give him head. Sis, he will be jumping out of his boxers. Or you could just take control. (He may even love that more.) While you’re busy making his day, you can use the time to practice the things you saw in porn. Win-Win. Right? (Tip: If he asks, “Where did you learn this from?” Be honest! It could lead to you guys watching some porn together. Or making your own...)
I explored and spoke openly about it. I have never had a problem talking about sex. In fact, I love talking about sex. This led me to Zane novels, HBO’s Real Sex and Angela Yee’s podcast, Lip Service. This is where I learned tips and tricks from other women. Sex and giving head is just like anything else in life, you don’t know what you don’t know. You can't be afraid to talk to your friends, older women or even your hairdresser about it. Stay open and listen-up, you never know who could give you advice that would take your head game to the next level. (I believe it was the Zane novel that introduced me to the Listerine Strip trick. Tip: Buy cough drops or Listerine strips. Put it on your mouth and/or tongue. Then give him head.)
Sis, this is not meant to be a head manifesto. I simply want us to become the masters of our bedroom. To feel liberated and free to discuss all things sex. To be open to learning and practicing our craft. The mindset that you have to be a hoe to enjoy sex or giving head, is childish. And only create inner conflict within ourselves and in the bedroom. There is nothing wrong with sucking dick and enjoying it. Because Honestly Sis, that’s the real secret to great blow job! Have any tips to share? You KNOW I want to know!!
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XoXo,
AM