Yes, you read that correctly. I have not gotten my back blown out in four fucking years! Four whole- ass, long- ass years with no fucking. The only orgasms I’ve had, I have given myself. Sometimes I don’t know how this happened. Sometimes I say I did it on purpose. To connect to myself and be closer to my higher power. But to be honest, I was just over fucking with fuck boys. I know you’re wondering, how did I do it? I’ve been fortunate enough to have a cold turkey personality. Once I put my mind to something, then that is that. I discovered this about myself as a child when I gave up pop. It’s a gift!
I still think about sex all the time. The desire didn’t go anywhere but my will power to say no is hella strong. After the first year, it just became a number thing. It wasn’t a big deal to me personally, so much as it was for my friends. They couldn’t believe I was going without dick. But, I felt like this was a necessary step, after a long run of fuck boys. Which was completely my fault keeping it 100. I was accepting attention, from what could be classified as, a step above any guy who would give me the time of day.
Yes, I have standards! But Sis, they were dropping like stocks on the market. And it was mostly because my friends had a man and I didn’t. I was tired of being the only friend who didn’t have a dude around to kiss on me. I was tired of being sick and tired. So, ‘Down Goes Frazier’ went my standards. And of course, I ended up with my worst nightmare! A guy with TWO kids. Now, that’s a personal thing for me totally. I’m of the mindset that if you got a plus one, you not for Mimi son. So, two you can fucking forget! But I did it anyway! Because, I was missing the caliber of selections my school had to offer. So, the longer I was home the lonelier I became. It wasn’t my fault I had to move back home after school. So, why was I being punished with a subpar selection of men? It just didn’t seem fair.
I did what I advise my sisters not to do. I didn’t believe a man when he said he wasn’t shit. I mean Sis, he told me and I still didn’t listen. I knew I shouldn’t mess with him. It was just that the dick was so good, that I stuck around much longer than I should have. Good dick will make you lose a few brain cells.
I got down on my knees and prayed about it for real. I really asked God to remove anything and everything from my life that was not for my good. And guess what, he left me the fuck alone! It took me a moment to accept that was God answering my prayers. It’s like the trash decided to take itself out. After that I decided, I would no longer let dick cloud my judgement. Or stop me from living my best life. And so far, I’d have to say things have been going amazing while I learn to love myself first and make sure I am whole. I learned a good mate is whole and just looking to come together with another whole ass person. And that’s my real #relationshipgoal! At this point I think I want to wait until marriage for sex again. However, if an amazing enough man comes around, I could definitely cha cha back slide into feeding my sexual desires!
Written by Mia Simone
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