"I look good in real life, I don't need an edit
Fuck what you heard, if I said it, I said it"
Flo Milli
And we are back! Here's the grand finale:
The Process is The Process. Going natural has probably been one of the most pivotal experiences in my life. I became natural in this search to face myself. Since a child, I have had a complicated relationship with my hair. My Mom favorite saying to describe it is, “it’stoo soft to be nappy and too nappy to be soft ."So there were frequently prems which only thin and broke off my hair more. When I finally came of age for a weave, I latched on like a leech. When I did the big cut, it was ugly. There were days when I could barely look at myself in the mirror. But eventually, it got better and more manageable. Recently, I straightened my hair for the first time in my six years since going natural. When I looked in the mirror, I couldn’t believe it was all my hair. It was so healthy, full, and pretty. I loved the woman smiling back at me in the mirror. That night, I found myself constantly looking at myself, and it hit me. All the tears, bad hair days, failed YouTube experiments led to this moment and this beautiful life lesson of trusting the process.
It’s Not Vain To Take Care Of Yourself. A few years ago, I had an epiphany that I like how my nails look polished. Especially when I am typing up a newsletter or on my phone, it's just looks pretty. I also realize that when my hair is done. I feel good. It’s the good ole Dion Sanders quote, "when you look good, you feel good, you play good.” I like taking care of myself, not because it’s expected of me from society. But because it generally makes me feel good. Like last year, I told one of my neighbors I thought I was depressed, but then I got my hair done, and I was fine. Getting my hair done legit changed my energy, and there is nothing vain about that! It's a spiritual act.
A Lion Doesn’t Have to Say It’s A Lion. I can't even take credit for this one when I started channeling on YouTube. One thing that kept coming up repeatedly is that a lion doesn't announce itself. As a former child of Yezzy, I grew up under the belief that you had to tell that you’re the greatest to anyone who would listen. I thought it was my job to get the world to agree with me. But truthfully, after watching Part 3 of Jeen-Yuhs, I understood why God kept stressing this point to me. God was trying to show me that I was setting myself up for a life of validation seeking. Instead of wasting my energy trying to convince others, I started focusing on convincing myself. Then just moving in that confidence. Relying on external validation to fuel you will send you on a fool’s journey. No matter how much you obtain, it will never be enough. The world is nothing but a reflection of you. So if you spend your time shouting at the mirror, what you will get reflected to you is more to prove. The truth is supreme confidence can only come from within.
Magic is Real. My whole life, I have had this natural pull towards the supernatural. I often had people walk up to me talking about my light. My Mom told me that I had brought a "friend" home from Alabama when I was younger. Who eventually turned evil and had to be driven out. I've always been connected with the other side, to put it mildly. But it’s nothing I paid attention to, and honestly, for a long time, I wanted to deny it. Then one day, a man standing outside of a gas station declared that I was a Seer. He excitedly asked me how I was using my gifts. When I told him that I wasn't, the heartbreak in his eyes struck a chord with me. His sadness made me look at myself that night and ask myself: Do I have a gift? Now I can say that: I saw things I’ve imagined, on some Solange shit. It seems like the moment that I stopped fearing it. Life started surprising the hell out of me! I don't care what anyone says. Magic is REAL.
Honesty Is My Superpower. My mouth has always gotten me in trouble. I often say things so quickly that I don't get a chance to censor myself. I hated this side of me because I wanted to be the type of person who didn't care so damn much. But then, one day, I was listening to a Chloe interview on Sway in the Morning, and she mentioned that some people say she was "too passionate ."Before she could even respond, I realized how stupid that mindset is. It's like saying, "why are you so happy, alive, and aware ."Too often in my life, I have experienced people and places who seem one way on the outside. But when you get to know them, it's something completely different, and it's heartbreaking. It made me realize I never want to be that person. I want to represent authenticity in my life, in my creations, and in my businesses. People must know that what they see is what they get. But not everyone is capable of living an honest life. So for that alone, I’m grateful, and I truly understand that my honesty is a gift.
Unfortunately, There Are Inherently Evil and Racist People In The World. The best and worst thing my parents ever did for me was not to emphasize white people. I didn't grow up feeling inferior or scared of them. I honestly thought the world was equal. But boy, one year in public accounting offered me a rude awakening. I will admit, it's still hard for me to understand how you can look at another person and judge them based on their skin color. The sad reality is it's true. Some people were taught and grew up to become this way. If they can, some will try to make your life a living hell simply because they can! With that all in mind, there are equally genuinely good-hearted white people, I learned this one summer in Pittsburgh. I fell in love (platonically) with a white boy. What I have come to know is that people's actions, views, and opinions say more about them than they could ever say about you!
I Only Have To Please Me! There are a few moments in my life where I have said downright cringe-worthy things for the sake of fitting in or trying to be cool. Each time I have felt like shit almost immediately after the fact. Each time, I would find that person, whether it was a week, a month (or years) later, to apologize. When I think about the times, I ignored the twist in my gut. I am reminded of some of my greatest betrayals and heartbreaks. When I think about all the times, I went against myself for acceptance, love, or approval. I realized it was never worth it. Ever. Though it has been uncomfortable, I understand that the most valuable opinion and person to please is me! Now, I would rather deal with the anxiety of letting others down than go against myself.
I’m A Prize A hard pill for me to swallow is that people can like you for how you make them feel. I didn't understand my power or even the energy I brought into relationships. I tend to nurture, love, and uplift people just by my nature. When I am your friend or your woman, I am your cheerleader and the one ready to put a battery in your back. But when it was my turn? Or when I needed those people, nothing. Because of my upbringing, I spent a lot of my life in a one-sided relationship. But now no more. There has to be an equal give and take. My number one rule is that they have to make me feel good. I now know that how you allow people to treat you is setting the tone for what you allow. Now I only want people who treat me like a prize and make me feel good on the inside.
I Don’t Need Anyone To Save Me. I have spent a lot of my life giving my power away. Because I didn’t trust myself, I valued the opinion of others over my own. Despite always knowing that I wanted to be an actress in my heart. I never actually tried to do it. I said I wanted to go to LA. But I never actually applied for any colleges on the West Coast. I wanted it, but I wanted someone to save me. In my mind, one day, I would be in an accounting room on a movie set, and someone would ‘discover’ me. It sounds crazy, but I believe it could happen. I thought because I prayed to God and I believed in miracles. It would just happen. Then one day, I heard the words "faiths without works is dead ."Suddenly it clicked in my mind. Due to free will, God isn't just going to pop into my life and change it. I have to work towards it, and then God will help me along the way. When I understood that, I then applied it. I realized that no one was coming to save me. I was the person I had been waiting for all along.
When I Don’t Know, My Body Knows. I have always been what you would call an intuitive person, but of course, I would never call it that. I just had a feeling. When I was in certain environments and around certain people, I would get vibes from them. But as a kid, you can't choose your environment. As I grew older, the feelings grew more potent, and so did my resistance against them. At the end of 2017, I felt this anxiousness in my stomach, and I ignored it. It continued until the beginning of March 2018. A week later, I was hospitalized due to appendicitis for a month. That year, I spent my 29th birthday in the hospital. After that, it became impossible to ignore the feeling. I now understand that feeling is my intuition, and it is a gift. I currently live and die by it. Even if I don't know the reason, my body knows, and for me, that is enough.
Put No Man On A Pedestal. If you had told me that in 2022, I would be disgusted by just the utterance of Kanye’s name. I wouldn’t believe you. Like most people my age, I am a product of Ye. His music has gotten me through some rough patches. His interviews put a battery in my back. But seeing the downfall of one of my favorites has been heartbreaking and an awakening. I couldn't relate to the betrayal of Bill Cosby because I didn't grow up watching the Cosby Show. I also couldn’t relate to the betrayal of R. Kelly because besides Chocolate Factory. I wasn’t a fan. But the Era of Yeezy has shown me that you can’t put anyone on a pedestal. I am grateful that I get to witness this period of reckoning because it validates all the things I have been saying here: When you work for the applauds. You kill yourself trying to get them. But when you work from within, that is a joy the world can’t take away.
What tips and tricks do you wish someone would have taught you? Maybe we can create a list and change the world- or at the very least let others know they are alone!